Updates and Changes

Hi all, sorry for such a long gap and not writing.  So much has happened emotionally. I just haven't felt I could write.  My brain surgery didn't happen. My shunt fractures will only be able to be repaired if they break away from the tubing, otherwise it's too dangerous. I still deal with daily chronic pain. I have a new neurologist now and he got me trying Emgality injection for my migraines so far it's helped more than anything else I've tried. He also tried trigger point nerve cluster injections for my neck pain , However, that failed as relief only last 4 days.     Tomorrow morning, I finally get to talk with someone from Rheumatology about my Fibromyalgia pain. I pray she has better answers for me. I'm pretty nervous.    My Aunt Teresa's been diagnosed with an Ovarian tumor, Heart valve issue and thyroid problems so I am praying for her. I pray she finds a better doctor.  I keep praying for Leah to get approved for disability as she is now going to Vicky Hartzler's office for help in her case.        We continue to wait on another stimulus package and I pray I can be in better health to start working then. And Scott is working from home at least until September.  That's all I can think to say for now. I will try to post  again soon.

New normal

Hi all, Due to the pandemic that is still going on. I'm now doing my doctor appointments virtually. It's not something I'm used to, so I hope I don't screw it up.  Our church services are virtual. And only one person per family can get groceries . It's so odd, and though the cases of Corona virus don't seem to be getting to much higher, it's still very present. I'm not going to stop praying. I just want to see family , have some fun and celebrate things again. Scott is still working from home. I'm thankful He still has his job. It just makes things a little harder and definitely different. I hope I can get answers with my doctor today. My neck continues to worsen , leaves me shaking and in tears much of the time now.  I will update more soon. My heart is kind of heavy today. But I  don't have answers for so much that id going on. I just keep praying... Until next time. Mel.🌹

Time Flies, Things Change.

 Hi all, so I went to see the neurosurgeon and He said I don't need surgery due to the area of the break . And the fact that I've had it over 5 years and not suffered neurological damage.   Also, we are facing a pandemic worldwide right now. It's Covid 19 or the Corona virus. We have to practice social distancing by not making  physical  contact with others. Our sporting events and church services are cancelled, people are in a panic , making even toilet paper scarce. People have lost their jobs, and they still haven't found a cure. I pray for it to be found every day. I miss my family so much. It's a mandate that we can't have more than 10 people together at a time. I pray it ends soon so things can get back to normal. They are even cancelling Dr. Appointments and not scheduling more unless it's an emergency. I worry about the immuno compromised of my family and friends. I just keep praying for God to help them find a cure.  My fibromyalgia is still a big problem as is my neck pain. I've asked Dr K. For a cervical spine MRI. And a referral to a Rheumatologist but I think much is at a stand still , so I pray for God to help me just get through each day. It feels like I've been steam rolled and is so difficult just to keep my head up, the pain in my neck makes me want to constantly lay it down. I feel so useless. Right now, because of my health, Scott refuses to buy a new computer so I can work from home. It's so awful to constantly feel like a burden and not be capable of helping when things are so crazy. It's only by God's grace that I am getting through each day at this point. The pills I have, to deal with the pain have become very ineffective. I'm very tired and so sore all the time. At this point even getting showered and my teeth brushed is something I consider an accomplishment. Living  in the pain as I am, I'm still looking up guys! Keep the Faith! Until next time, Mel.

It's Almost Here.

Hi all, I haven't written in a few days just because my body has not been good to me, and I've felt pretty awful. My pain level keeps rising, my migraines and nausea are worse and my neck is so painful I want to scream.  I will be meeting my Neurosurgeon first thing in the morning. I pray he is kind, compassionate and sympathetic. As well as extremely well versed on how to help me. The daily struggle is getting harder and harder to push through. I pray this surgery helps that and doesn't make me more of a burden. Our 14th Anniversary is in two days and I just want to  have a chance to feel pretty and enjoy it. I'm scared and exhausted but I know God is in control, whatever comes. I hope I come out on the other side of this better able to celebrate life with Scott and my family. Now, I'm going to try to nap and hopefully ease some of the pain. If I never do anything more in my life, I hope people  will see I kept the Faith and did my best to Honor God.  Love in Him, Mel.🌹💚

Swirling thoughts among life happenings.

Hey all, today is a day my head is filled with so much it's hard to sort it all. Terry's grandmother died last night. My heart goes out to all of them. Leah is hoping to get a chance to go be with Terry for the funeral.  There are so many health issues in my family right now. The stress is a lot. I 'm trying to pray every time I think about it all.  I can't help but wonder if the reason God has not allowed me children, is that because of my health issues, He doesn't have a longer life planned for me. I always had the fear I wouldn't have children and that heartbreak became my reality . So this may be Him just trying to prepare me. I'm not sure. I don't have the heart to tell anyone else about it. I just want to live the best life and be as helpful to them as I can, in the time I have left. I realized many years ago that my life was anything but normal, I just hope that my family and friends are helped by the life that has been given to me.  And that they can always know I have given all I could  to enjoy life with them.  If I come through this surgery, I hope and pray God will help me to become less of a burden and more of  an asset to those that need me. I miss Volunteering in Disaster relief, being able to help at church or in outreach. Making meals or baking to brighten others'day. So many things, I want to do with Scott. I hope He finds joy again, I worry about his physical and mental well being because of all of this and his job. i pray for big blessing of a new opportunity job wise for him that really lets him show his talent and that would refresh him. I miss going on walks and exploring new places.  I know it is probably stupid at this point but I still dream of a home we can make our own.  I know this post is all over the place but it's what I could verbalize of all that's in my heart. May better days lay ahead. Keep the Faith all, Mel. Xoxo Gal. 2:20

Answers and Waiting.

Hey all, have some updates. My Mom will be having an ultrasound on her throat on the 11th. I pray they can find the answer as to why her throat is constricting. And I will have my neurosurgeon consult on the 17th. I went to the ED Monday night, discovered I am also in a bad Fibromyalgia flare . They gave me some meds to manage the pain.   I've really been trying to push away the fear and steep myself in Faith and God's word and encouragement from Bible Teachers\ Speakers.  So that's what I'm doing today  . I'm super thankful my fur-babies are being cuddle bugs today. I need it.  The meds are helping me sleep some better. I don't know what I will do when I run out. Guess I will enjoy while I am able. Until Next Time, Keep Looking Up! Melissa.

Tough Night

Hi all, last night I gave in and went to the ED. At first, I didn't think they were going to help but after a few minutes , I guess confirming the information I gave them from my doctor, they set me up in a room. Thankfully, they gave me pain meds because they realized I was in a bad Fibromyalgia flare on top of everything else. I'm grateful the first doctor had that insight and cared enough. Still learning about my fibro and the ways it affects me, it made the testing a lot easier.Then I went for more X-rays and an MRI. Thankfully nothing has worsened since my initial X-Rays on the 21st. So now, I just have to wait to see how Neurosurgery wants to proceed with my shunt. I have scripts for pain management to help with my Fibro in the meantime so maybe it won't exacerbate my shunt and head pain as much.  I hate not being in control of how I feel. It's terrible to have to rely on others so much. Poor Scott. I pray for him but still feel so guilty for how I put him out. It makes me sad. It's why I delayed so long in going to the ED. I know it's always such a hard thing for him.  I know he's tired today and I pray God helps him in his day. It's not fair to him to suffer like this. I wish I could change so many things. But I know God is continuing to be with us. Keep Looking Up guys, He promises to Never leave or forsake us.😊💗 Mel.

Unwanted Side effects.

Today is Sunday, my body is in a place where doing very simple things is very painful and takes all my energy.  Apparently the  lethargy is real. Scott and I were trying to watch a movie last night, and I hurt so much all I wanted to do was sleep. I felt bad but when your symptoms collide and overtake you, sometimes it's just easier to listen.    I am hoping and praying Dr K. Will be back in clinic tomorrow and can help me get this show on the road. Dr.Frank unfortunately was no help at all as her stand in. I am tired of waiting and feeling the pain get worse with each day. I am useless in being able to get anything done and all the pressure is on Scott. I HATE that.  I just want to move forward and hopefully come out better than before on the other side of things.  Praying for better things this week.  Until Next time, Keep Looking Up , Y'all. Love, Mel.💗🌹

Disappointed in the Waiting.

Hi all, I just thought I'd update and let you know, My docs want an MRI for my shunt but the insurance is taking it's time in approving things. I don't know why, it's not like the scans showing my fracture are faked. Meanwhile, the pressure and pain in my head and neck continues to increase. And I'm either dealing with bad allergies today or the start of a cold. Prayers for things to be expedited, would be most appreciated. The wait and pain and not knowing what to prepare for, is leaving me most anxious. Doing my best to Trust God through it all. My head hurts so much it's hard to think of words to pray. And it's leaving me lethargic and weak. Hopefully, I will have better news soon. Keep the Faith,Y'all. Mel.💗🌹

The Unexpected Journey

 Hi all, well I got my answers. After 30 years of not having to worry too much about it. I have fractured my shunt. :( Not sure how I did it, kinda mad at myself because it's the last thing I or my family needed right now. I'm also dreading the surgery\ hospital stay. I had hoped I was done with them. I feel like I get something worked on every year now. I don't think that's accurate but it's how it feels.  I also am concerned because this could affect my brain more.  I don't want to be more of a burden. I know I have to talk to Scott about my wishes again. I just hate having the conversation, He doesn't deserve to worry like that. Maybe I will just write another letter. Somehow, I get the words out easier that way.    I have to admit, I don't want anything to get more complicated, I don't want to lose even more of myself. I worry about the toll it will take on Scott if I do. He is already internalizing so much, that he is full of stress, and it's affecting him physically and emotionally. He won't talk to me, it makes me sad. I wish He would find a Christian counselor or therapist. He's been internalizing so much, hiding since everything with his Mom. He refuses to share with me. I just have to stand on the sidelines and watch it all happen. It hurts but If I am not the person who he feels gives him strength and help, I have to accept that.  It does break my heart though. A wife is supposed to be the one her husband can rely on. It shatters me to know He doesn't see me that way.  Anywsy, I will update again when I know more about what's to happen next. Until then, Keep Looking up, my friends!💖 Mel

Health trials

You know it's occurred to me that I'm used to  health issues. But sometimes, .....I get surprised by the unexpected anyway. And how quickly things can change.....I had started neck therapy earlier this week. Then that night my neck and spine were so painful I couldn't lay on them. So that led to me seeing my GP Dr.K. She ordered neck and spine series. I'm still waiting on the results, but they saw something abnormal with my shunt. Unfortunately, because my shunt is the old kind I think it's difficult for many people to understand. Just praying if this becomes something they will have a neurosurgeon familiar with the older shunts.  I'm delaying continuation of my neck therapy and just praying for answers. Being in this type of pain makes it very challenging to do anything at all. I have a lot of emotions right now. Trusting God that whatever comes He will see me through. 😊

Sad news and new beginnings

Hi all, this morning we got a call from the vet telling us that Ezzie doesn't have a thyroid issue but kidney failure instead. Poor Boy. We aren't sure how long we will have him but with meds and new food, we are hoping to have him with us a while longer.    I started my neck therapy today, it went pretty well, just hoping it continues. One day at a time, I pray for good change to come. Keep the Faith all, Until next time, Mel .

A day of Surprise

   Hi all, Our cat Ezzie has been sick so we took her to the vet. We got the shock of our lives! We found out , " She" is actually a neutered "He" !😄 So Ezzie is still Ezzie but no longer Esmeralda!  They did blood work and we are waiting to find out if he has a thyroid  issue. Praying it will be a simple fix. So thankful  we were finally able to take him. Hoping this will improve his health and our situation at home .It's been a real struggle not being able to find the source of his issues. ........... On a bleaker note, I am pretty conflicted today about my health and inability to work, sometimes it just hits me so hard, I just want to cry.  I keep thinking if I just make the right moves, I could fix stuff and things will get easier. I pray daily for knowledge and clarity to understand what to do . Sometimes the silence is really painful, especially when I know there is such a need. And I know Scott could use my support. I feel like my hands are tied with an invisible rope I don't know how to break. I know God knows and sees the needs, I just don't understand why I'm still in the waiting. It hurts me to see so many ways I need to help but being unable to do anything. My heart is overwhelmed with the sadness. It hurts deeply. I don't take any suffering lightly, no matter how others see  it or presume to know me.  I just want to help make things better and I don't know how to overcome my health to do it.  I pray God opens a door somewhere soon. Got to keep on, keeping on, even when it hurts. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3.

Good days and what comes next.

Hi all. Today is a recovery day. Yesterday, I did have my prayers answered, 👏in that I was able to do more than I thought possible on a very frigid Valentine's Day. Scott and I went out to mexican for lunch and we grocery shopped and He even bought me flowers. I'm so grateful for those times because getting a successful day to celebrate anything is so rare. I want to give a Huge Shout out to my nephew Jayden, who turns 3 today! Happy birthday Blessings, you adorable boy! Hope to see you soon! 😍😘🎉🎉😃😃  I think about all the ways I literally fight my body to accomplish the littlest things on a daily basis and I know I'm not alone. How do you struggle, what is your biggest worry or frustration? I'd love to pray with you over it. Drop it in the comments and know I will pray.

 My next challenge is Church on Sunday, it's supposed to be Sunny so I'm praying that helps me in getting there.  Until Next time,Keep the Faith &  Blessings to you,Melissa🌹

Some progress is better than None.

 Hi, It's snowy and very cold here today. Yesterday in Pelvic floor therapy, I learned that much of the burning I am dealing with is also attributed to my muscles spasming. I didn't realize they could cause me to burn. They called me in some vaginal valium. I took my first one and hoping it will calm everything down. My spasms have been terrible. It's amazing what I'm learning in how my body is connected and how one thing can trigger another. Just stuff I never would have thought about before.      I start with the next therapist Sandy for my neck next week. I'm anxious about it as I know I can't expect us to connect like Shelby and I did. I just hope she's a good listener and willing to understand my situation. Having done neck therapy twice already, I pray this one has something different to offer that actually helps and doesn't hinder. I just dream of a day without pain.... With Valentine's Day being tomorrow I just want to enjoy a good day with my husband. What the day holds I do not know. This is the unpredictable life of chronic illness. Even the little things mean so much because everything takes so much effort. I pray for a good day to come. 😊 Whether you celebrate with your spouse, children , friends or all of the above, I hope it's blessed and filled with smiles!💖

A Painful Overload

Hello, today is a rough day. I overdid things yesterday and now I am swollen and painful. I was trying to do the "right" thing by helping clean the house, now my body is mad at me. And I feel super drained today. No energy.  On a good note, I did find a food diary app for my phone, so I can track what I eat and how it affects me.  Valentine's Day is just around the corner. I want to feel good enough to enjoy it, even if only for a few hours. Today is an in bed , snuggle with Maggie kind of day. I have PT tomorrow so that will take it out of me too. Just hope I can find more energy. Having so many issues I honestly can't pinpoint which makes me more tired, lol.