Disappointed in the Waiting.

Hi all, I just thought I'd update and let you know, My docs want an MRI for my shunt but the insurance is taking it's time in approving things. I don't know why, it's not like the scans showing my fracture are faked. Meanwhile, the pressure and pain in my head and neck continues to increase. And I'm either dealing with bad allergies today or the start of a cold. Prayers for things to be expedited, would be most appreciated. The wait and pain and not knowing what to prepare for, is leaving me most anxious. Doing my best to Trust God through it all. My head hurts so much it's hard to think of words to pray. And it's leaving me lethargic and weak. Hopefully, I will have better news soon. Keep the Faith,Y'all. Mel.💗🌹

The Unexpected Journey

 Hi all, well I got my answers. After 30 years of not having to worry too much about it. I have fractured my shunt. :( Not sure how I did it, kinda mad at myself because it's the last thing I or my family needed right now. I'm also dreading the surgery\ hospital stay. I had hoped I was done with them. I feel like I get something worked on every year now. I don't think that's accurate but it's how it feels.  I also am concerned because this could affect my brain more.  I don't want to be more of a burden. I know I have to talk to Scott about my wishes again. I just hate having the conversation, He doesn't deserve to worry like that. Maybe I will just write another letter. Somehow, I get the words out easier that way.    I have to admit, I don't want anything to get more complicated, I don't want to lose even more of myself. I worry about the toll it will take on Scott if I do. He is already internalizing so much, that he is full of stress, and it's affecting him physically and emotionally. He won't talk to me, it makes me sad. I wish He would find a Christian counselor or therapist. He's been internalizing so much, hiding since everything with his Mom. He refuses to share with me. I just have to stand on the sidelines and watch it all happen. It hurts but If I am not the person who he feels gives him strength and help, I have to accept that.  It does break my heart though. A wife is supposed to be the one her husband can rely on. It shatters me to know He doesn't see me that way.  Anywsy, I will update again when I know more about what's to happen next. Until then, Keep Looking up, my friends!💖 Mel

Health trials

You know it's occurred to me that I'm used to  health issues. But sometimes, .....I get surprised by the unexpected anyway. And how quickly things can change.....I had started neck therapy earlier this week. Then that night my neck and spine were so painful I couldn't lay on them. So that led to me seeing my GP Dr.K. She ordered neck and spine series. I'm still waiting on the results, but they saw something abnormal with my shunt. Unfortunately, because my shunt is the old kind I think it's difficult for many people to understand. Just praying if this becomes something they will have a neurosurgeon familiar with the older shunts.  I'm delaying continuation of my neck therapy and just praying for answers. Being in this type of pain makes it very challenging to do anything at all. I have a lot of emotions right now. Trusting God that whatever comes He will see me through. 😊

Sad news and new beginnings

Hi all, this morning we got a call from the vet telling us that Ezzie doesn't have a thyroid issue but kidney failure instead. Poor Boy. We aren't sure how long we will have him but with meds and new food, we are hoping to have him with us a while longer.    I started my neck therapy today, it went pretty well, just hoping it continues. One day at a time, I pray for good change to come. Keep the Faith all, Until next time, Mel .

A day of Surprise

   Hi all, Our cat Ezzie has been sick so we took her to the vet. We got the shock of our lives! We found out , " She" is actually a neutered "He" !😄 So Ezzie is still Ezzie but no longer Esmeralda!  They did blood work and we are waiting to find out if he has a thyroid  issue. Praying it will be a simple fix. So thankful  we were finally able to take him. Hoping this will improve his health and our situation at home .It's been a real struggle not being able to find the source of his issues. ........... On a bleaker note, I am pretty conflicted today about my health and inability to work, sometimes it just hits me so hard, I just want to cry.  I keep thinking if I just make the right moves, I could fix stuff and things will get easier. I pray daily for knowledge and clarity to understand what to do . Sometimes the silence is really painful, especially when I know there is such a need. And I know Scott could use my support. I feel like my hands are tied with an invisible rope I don't know how to break. I know God knows and sees the needs, I just don't understand why I'm still in the waiting. It hurts me to see so many ways I need to help but being unable to do anything. My heart is overwhelmed with the sadness. It hurts deeply. I don't take any suffering lightly, no matter how others see  it or presume to know me.  I just want to help make things better and I don't know how to overcome my health to do it.  I pray God opens a door somewhere soon. Got to keep on, keeping on, even when it hurts. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3.

Good days and what comes next.

Hi all. Today is a recovery day. Yesterday, I did have my prayers answered, 👏in that I was able to do more than I thought possible on a very frigid Valentine's Day. Scott and I went out to mexican for lunch and we grocery shopped and He even bought me flowers. I'm so grateful for those times because getting a successful day to celebrate anything is so rare. I want to give a Huge Shout out to my nephew Jayden, who turns 3 today! Happy birthday Blessings, you adorable boy! Hope to see you soon! 😍😘🎉🎉😃😃  I think about all the ways I literally fight my body to accomplish the littlest things on a daily basis and I know I'm not alone. How do you struggle, what is your biggest worry or frustration? I'd love to pray with you over it. Drop it in the comments and know I will pray.

 My next challenge is Church on Sunday, it's supposed to be Sunny so I'm praying that helps me in getting there.  Until Next time,Keep the Faith &  Blessings to you,Melissa🌹

Some progress is better than None.

 Hi, It's snowy and very cold here today. Yesterday in Pelvic floor therapy, I learned that much of the burning I am dealing with is also attributed to my muscles spasming. I didn't realize they could cause me to burn. They called me in some vaginal valium. I took my first one and hoping it will calm everything down. My spasms have been terrible. It's amazing what I'm learning in how my body is connected and how one thing can trigger another. Just stuff I never would have thought about before.      I start with the next therapist Sandy for my neck next week. I'm anxious about it as I know I can't expect us to connect like Shelby and I did. I just hope she's a good listener and willing to understand my situation. Having done neck therapy twice already, I pray this one has something different to offer that actually helps and doesn't hinder. I just dream of a day without pain.... With Valentine's Day being tomorrow I just want to enjoy a good day with my husband. What the day holds I do not know. This is the unpredictable life of chronic illness. Even the little things mean so much because everything takes so much effort. I pray for a good day to come. 😊 Whether you celebrate with your spouse, children , friends or all of the above, I hope it's blessed and filled with smiles!💖

A Painful Overload

Hello, today is a rough day. I overdid things yesterday and now I am swollen and painful. I was trying to do the "right" thing by helping clean the house, now my body is mad at me. And I feel super drained today. No energy.  On a good note, I did find a food diary app for my phone, so I can track what I eat and how it affects me.  Valentine's Day is just around the corner. I want to feel good enough to enjoy it, even if only for a few hours. Today is an in bed , snuggle with Maggie kind of day. I have PT tomorrow so that will take it out of me too. Just hope I can find more energy. Having so many issues I honestly can't pinpoint which makes me more tired, lol.