Swirling thoughts among life happenings.

Hey all, today is a day my head is filled with so much it's hard to sort it all. Terry's grandmother died last night. My heart goes out to all of them. Leah is hoping to get a chance to go be with Terry for the funeral.  There are so many health issues in my family right now. The stress is a lot. I 'm trying to pray every time I think about it all.  I can't help but wonder if the reason God has not allowed me children, is that because of my health issues, He doesn't have a longer life planned for me. I always had the fear I wouldn't have children and that heartbreak became my reality . So this may be Him just trying to prepare me. I'm not sure. I don't have the heart to tell anyone else about it. I just want to live the best life and be as helpful to them as I can, in the time I have left. I realized many years ago that my life was anything but normal, I just hope that my family and friends are helped by the life that has been given to me.  And that they can always know I have given all I could  to enjoy life with them.  If I come through this surgery, I hope and pray God will help me to become less of a burden and more of  an asset to those that need me. I miss Volunteering in Disaster relief, being able to help at church or in outreach. Making meals or baking to brighten others'day. So many things, I want to do with Scott. I hope He finds joy again, I worry about his physical and mental well being because of all of this and his job. i pray for big blessing of a new opportunity job wise for him that really lets him show his talent and that would refresh him. I miss going on walks and exploring new places.  I know it is probably stupid at this point but I still dream of a home we can make our own.  I know this post is all over the place but it's what I could verbalize of all that's in my heart. May better days lay ahead. Keep the Faith all, Mel. Xoxo Gal. 2:20